o125.
*you're my sugar rush: 170205 @ 2218

I feel like that 'crazy' girl in our English Elective Handout. I am screwing everything up. I can't control myself; I need saving from myself. There's too much in me to be let out and I don't know how to act normal. I feel like a volcano ready to explode anytime. I either go totally numb or totally fiery. I was pissed during HCL lesson today, and that's not a very good sign. Coz when I'm unhappy, I show it, I say it, and that's it. I wish I had learned how to ren3. Tolerance is my greatest weakness, baby. I desperately need to relax and tone down. Grrr. I am tired. I had a headache all day. Training was okay. Pure E Lit students have no tests tomorrow, phew.

The first name of Karin creates a shrewd, aggressive, business nature, intent on personal gain. The desires for independence and financial success have been strong motivating forces from early in your life. You are capable of logical and analytical thinking along practical business lines, and could excel in financial fields, law, or politics. Your judgment is seldom swayed through your feelings. You have definite executive and leadership abilities, however others may find you to be rather forceful and uncompromising. How true.

Uhh it rained today, after more than 2 weeks of the evil scorching sun. Causing 200 over fires and all that. My sister is very sick. My cousin is in hospital. My grandma has just been discharged from the hospital. Many people are falling ill. Drink more water!

Happy birthday, Mummy.

I had so much to rant about, now I'm choosing to tone down. It's useless complaining and complaining when you don't do anything about it. What does complaining do? Make you complain more. Just as I'm turning warm, I am growing cold. Haha save me from myself. I don't need you for that. Right.

If only I need not go to school. I'll dump myself at the libraries and bookstores and read my eyes out. I bet I'll learn zillions more than what I'm doing in school. Yeah, floating around and being sarcastic and mean. That's me for you.

In places no one would find.

Happy Valentines' Day.

Today made me really happy(: Thanks to Jac, PeiXuan, A.tee, Andrea, XinLing, ShengHui, Vivien, LiJie, ZhiTing, TongTong, Kylie, Tricia, XiaoLe, Charmaine, YuXing, BekWuay, YouXin, Eleen, TongChong, MeiQi, KiaMian, SiHeng, MsChua, Audrey and you for making me feel loved(: <3s to all. Jac's 'love letter' made me so touched la. Sobs. Haha it's a chocolatish v-day. And thanks to you, I experienced a first time feeling of really wanting to stab myself a zillion times just over something you said. I couldn't sleep. Stupid me.

You're my sugar rush;

Thanks for nothing, my love.

I'm wasting time NOT doing my portfolios! Oops. Haha nevermind. I'll go "I don't give a damn" and then rush everything out later. o.O Umm love is in the air? My dad never takes a hint= Poor mum. I shall buy lovely tulips for her instead. Talking a lot before sleeping makes me super energetic. I'm trying to improve my sleeping habits but to no avail hur. Procrastination has become a dead habit already. Tsk tsk rahhh. I have no idea why I'm totally broke even after collecting the hongbaos. Pathetic chocs for everyone=( But anyway, I'm lousy at making things so there's probably not much difference not making them=X Dui bu qi.

Blue rose <3

I hate it when I'm like this. I am such a hypocrite. I presumably give wise advice to others in times of need, encourage them to have courage, I'm oh-so-firm, critical and neutral standing in a third person's shoes. But when it comes to my own problems? I'm just a weak coward. It hits me smack in the face when I look at myself in the mirror okay. I don't even have the courage to go near you. Am I too cold, too desperate? I don't know how to face you anymore.I wish I could make my feelings for you go away.I don't know how to approach you. I'm just waiting for...nothing. I wish I had the courage to be more initiative. I don't want to regret losing you. But how can I lose what I never had. I'm like a watch that has been neglected by its owner, ticking away for nothing. I'm useless. I don't mean anything to you. I love you.

I must have used up all my laughter yesterday. Feel like crying for the maid, coz she's lonely and unaccepted and inefficient in her work; feel like crying for my grandma, coz she had an operation this morning at the hospital and is very weak now; feel like crying for my mum coz she's really tearing herself apart from the stress of Day One and grandma's current situation. But no, I'm still my usual self, acting sarcastic and emotionless in front of them. I shall get mum her favourite tulips on her birthday to cheer her up.

I'm a happy girl today haha. I love it when Dad and I talk/debate in the car in the morning. At least I uhh don't doze off and get prompted aka coughed at by my Dad upon reaching school -_-" It makes me think and consider parents'/adults' perspectives on certain issues, and I like it when Dad is sincere in what he is saying. Most of the time we get sarcastic=X Enjoy those animated discussions on topics like uhh the education system, the future, our values, "things we disagree in" and stuff, however cliche they may sound. I feel like I understand my parents better now, which is a good thing. Able to relate to them better. (:

Hurhur and Happy Factor 2: Thanks to Hui Ping I smiled to myself all the way home la. (: I love jokes even when they're supposedly cold and uhh not funny. I laugh hysterically at the silliest things, I know. People on 67 must be uhh extremely disturbed by 2 crazy girls on the bus. Oops. :D My best 67 buddy rocks la.

Happy Factor 3: I'm winning at scissors paper stones! I'm winning okay! YAY. Uhh, CNY celebrations tomorrow, last Hui Chun. No idea what we're going to write. Mo4 rocks my socks la.

I wish grandma will get better soon. I don't want her to spend CNY in the hospital=(

I have been procrastinating and not doing my homework this weekend. Oops. Uhh but since I am a 2am person, think it doesn't hurt sleeping half the weekend away considering the fact that I have happily survived the 5 tests week. Yayness. (:

Can't wait for tomorrow to be over la. Actually can't wait for CNY to be over coz mum is freaking herself out with preparation and spring cleaning. The Family will be eating their way in on Day One. Thanks to them, I haven't seen my maternal relatives for a few years. I probably won't be able to recognise them even when I see them on the streets. I wish we had a simpler family.

I don't know how to face you anymore.

¿Þ¹ýÒÔºóÑÛÀỹÊDz»Í£µØÁ÷;

February already. How many months to go? I have found the motivation to keep on going(: Yes, you keep me sane.

Weird updates:
1. Apparently I have been accused of piao1-ing and not walking. Uhh.. o.O
2. I SO DO NOT LOOK LIKE CAI CHUN JIA.

...Start of Week 5 = Test Mania=( What with 5 tests in the coming week, Social Studies and History one right after the other tomorrow...arghhh. I need my sleep! I want to study hard! I should just stop getting distracted by...confusing thoughts la. Concentrate.

Australian Open's getting me all hyped up this whole week. Exciting men's singles matches :D Can someone just slap Hewitt everyone he does that "C'mon!" thing. It gets on the entire universe's nerves. And unbeatable Federer is finally beaten...GO SAFIN!!! The final match is driving me crazy &#^(@%*#%^#@$&*@#.

Had a haircut and I feel as if I have barely any hair left o.O CNY is arriving. I smell it in the airrr. But doesn't anyone get overwhelmed by those over-red items stashed all over the supermarkets? They give me a headache=( But anyway, looking forward to the CNY long break. I need to get those portfolios done. Chang2 tong4 bu4 ru2 duan3 tong4 ma=P College Readers rock my socks. So do library books la. I am reading reading reading nonstop. And there's not enough time to read. Bahhh.

» you take my breath away;

Let's fly away together-
You and me.
The stars are so bright;
You're all that I need(:

We all get influenced by others at some point or another. We don't say it, but we all feel that it is necessary for someone to always be with us, to have someone we know for company. We don't like to be standing alone with one whole group of people who have someone else standing beside them. We sacrifice what we really want to avoid being alone. Those I stick to my principles stuff seems to be a whole load of crap. We say it, but we don't follow it. You don't know how good it feels to really choose what you want to do when it comes to situations where you are given the choice. You don't know how good it feels to put a tick in the box without consulting any other human being in this world. You don't know how good it feels to have your own choice, to have your own opinion about every single thing in this world. It feels great, you know, to be yourself. You made up of your personal views, and not you made up of a little of everyone elses' views.


140105: Ouy otdn nkwo owh ym rehat csear hewn mi hwit ouy.

My computer crashed on me.

This rocks.

I am sleeping during HCL lessons. Uhh this is bad. Have to resort to drawing cartoons like Winnie the Pooh from a pack of tissue paper to keep awake. Hurhur. Okay and I went around asking people whether they had a copy of yesterday's TODAY newspaper and in the end, my mum said she had one-___-" Arghh. Oh back to researching on the Tsunami Incident for Caimama's ÂÛÎÄ. *#&$)*@&^&*#@$#*&@. Won Bin! =(

Phew. Yay, friday. It's like, end of Week One and I'm one-third dead already. I need a zillion and one motivation brain cells to keep telling myself: I will study hard! A Maths repaper was umm bad, but which A Maths paper is ever good la. But it was better than last year's I guess. Only started studying very late (procrastination!) Got very rusty=X Don't want to take the sup-sup paper- heard that it's possible to take till the 5th sup paper, which is...scary. Whatever la, I'm not good buddies with A Maths at all. I am also trying to be a friendlier person. No one can tell? =( Hurhur.

This is getting random. Oh uhh my height and weight are still...stagnant. I want my 2cm! *Jumps to the ceiling* I have a habit of brushing my teeth at exactly midnight now. Weird o.O When I see people with red nametags in school nowadays, I'll immediately think- SENIORS. Then I'll get a very weird feeling when I realise at the next moment, that there aren't any now. I miss seniors=( And sometimes I wish I were better with words. I am never good at consoling people, but I try. _{And I try not to think of you.}

Am watching Tennis-Hopman Cup these days. Exciting! Favourite player is back: Guillermo Coria rocks(:

Back to school.
Not used to the location of our new classroom yet...but I'm happy to see all my classmates haha. 410! I still keep writing 310. There's a big change in the class register numbers as well but I'm still happy number 3. Hurhur. Time to study hard! This year is going to fly past. We shall treasure every single moment we have with each other(: The two recesses make me feel funny coz it's like we keep eating and going to the canteen? Hurhur. But it makes lesson snot that stressful, which is good la. Ahh I hate A Maths. Why can't I just drop it. =(


You must be some kind of superstar. Coz you got all eyes on you no matter where you are.

I didn't keep to my 2004 resolutions at all. Shit you, Karin. Shan't do it anymore. Shall make it a list of What I should do for 2005 instead.

What to do for 2005
1. Spend more time with my family
2. Study hard and enjoy it
3. Train hard
4. Be friendlier
5. Love my friends
6. Save money
7. Drink more water
8. Practise piano
9. Sleep earlier
10. Try to grow 2cm taller
11. Be brave
12. Achieve the results I deserve; Receive the failures I deserve

Time flies. It feels like the end of the worldyear. It has been a tiring yet bittersweet year, and I can't believe I'm going to be a Sec 4. Okay, there's no time to get accustomed to it, I'm sure 2005 will just zoom past and before I know it, time to leave Nanyang=( I don't want to. I'm actually...scared of the future. Uncertain. Bleakness. But then again, there's no time to dwell on it. It's The O's. Everyone wants/prays/dies to do well, but for me, I shall stick to getting the results I deserve. If I've really studied hard, please let me get the results I want. But if I don't...let's not think about it.

2004
310: I didn't think I'd grow used to the class but yes, I did. We shall battle as a class together next year. I thought nobody could ever replace fivers' place in my heart- well it's true. But I guess I've made friends whom I really treasure. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all 410ers-to-be especially Bek Wuay, Jac, Vivien, Xinling, Peixuan for just being who you all are and for being part of my Sec 3 life. You people keep me sane(:

NYtrack: Joined jumps this year and the jumpers really rock, especially the Sec3-to-be juniors. And Shenghui and Vivien of course. You people make training fun. A big jiayou to the team for 2005.

Family: I really want to spend more time with my family. Especially with my parents and sister. The 4 of us should really be more normal and go out more often. I feel like my parents need something more colourful to look forward to other than just work and home. I may not say it to them, but I love them, really I do. We're just not a family who says I Love You to one another every 2 minutes. And I think big family gatherings help in building relationships with the relatives, no matter how I can't stand them at times. Like our Korea trip, it really helped to bring us closer.

Me: Last but not least, me. I really want myself to learn that we can't have everything in life. You win some, you lose some. It's no use brooding over things of the past and thinking too much. And I really, really need self motiviation and discipline to keep me going. Hopefully, 2005 will be a better year than 2004.

Happy new year. Blessed 2005(:

Last day of 2004. What with the recent event, don't think there's anything ecstatic to celebrate about the new year. It's a habit to have dinner while watching the news every evening for me. Nowadays I just practically skip dinner. No appetite. Sometimes I really feel like slapping the person I see in the mirror for taking life for granted. There're people who deserve life more than I do. So what if we donate and help whatever we can to help the needy- we still have to carry on with our lives, a fairly blessed one actually, while people out there will probably never ever get over this darkest time in their lives. And what good will donations do to those who have lost their loved ones-their pain will never be lessened just like that. But like those people counting-down at Sentosa say, Life goes on. Why can't this be just a nightmare, and when we wake up everything will be over. It is a punishment from mother nature, isn't it. Argh this makes me sick. My eyes hurt.

New layout to umm...celebrate the new year. I shall have to get used to 2005. Which is in like 33 hours o.O I finished my holiday homework. It wasn't a lot la, and come to think of it I enjoy doing work sometimes. To get my mind distracted and all that. But I'm not happy with the completed work at all, coz one nightmare's coming after the other. Shall have to do lots of revision for A Maths re-paper on the 7th of January. That's like in one week's time. Argh. And Commonwealth essay sucked; did on The Experiment and failed miserably at an attempt to try and make it sophisticated=X Was practically squeezing the words out from my brain. And I actually wrote about angels, Good guy and Bad guy and umm humanity. *covers face* Whatever la. Totally off topic. Brain cells are dead from writing that essay urgh.

I went for a neither-afternoon-nor-evening jog at 5pm yesterday. Did lots of thinking. Went to the highest level of this building- 22nd - just like what I did exactly one year ago. Time passes too fast. Sometimes I simply think too much. Which results in insomnia=( Six years of thoughts to think. It's a lot. I am one pathetic girl. Hur.

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars.


`millionreasonsforlovingyou_________

Merry Christmas! (:

youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou. _<3

I can smell Christmas in the air la. I'm typing now coz I've got nothing else better to do and I don't want to do my commonwealth essay. Morning jog again, generally covered three-quarters of the Choa Chu Kang estate in 1 hour and 8 minutes. Hurhur. I want more I want more! But jogging alone is...boring. Bleahh. Towned with cousin YH later in the afternoon. Double YHs(: Caught National treasure, which rocked. We were in our twinish-funky wear and acting funky. Okay I was acting funky and she was really cool la. Thanks to someone who commented that I looked like a little kid with my 'Mickey Mouse costume' and worn-backwards cap. Funny things happened as usual, like trying to smuggle one single pathetic cheesecake stick into the cinema and making a big deal out of it by umm hiding it in her sleeve and trying not to squish it=X And going to the toilet a zillion times. And how our new shoes caused much pain and suffering to our heels=( And learning how to walk in the way that can effectively reduce friction between our heels and the shoes-_-" YH rocks la. This is actually our first outing of this year. We kind of organise our outings annually. The last time we went out was...last year's June? Lots of catching up to do la, tsktsk all the same-aged-cousins' business. And speaking of catching up, had a fun time with Andrea after training yesterday. I miss the company of...people la. Like AndreaandYHandBekandJayce and yada yadaa. Why are the holidays ending soon. Sometimes I wish money will just fall from the sky.

_{I want my orange Christmas} =(

I woke up at 1pm o.O Previous two days were pretty umm, action-packed. Sunday morning; went for a morning jog alone. Hurhur. Felt too energetic=X Then off for last piano lesson of the year and made over-confident declarations la. I shall go for practical and theory exams next year, before O Levels. And diePASS. Had a crazy time at Orchard in the evening with Bek the Red Ah Lian=P We were totally like lunatics la. There was a road show going on that night. And we were selling those luminous accessories like necklaces, wristbands, glowing sunglasses etc. Bek was officially titled The Ah Lian of Orchard that night with all those glowing accessorises everywhere, luminous sunglasses on her head and that hair thing O.O Walked around and kept targetting at those families with children and tourists. We used our tips to get charity balloons: Red for her, green for me. Christmas colours! :D And we tied the balloons on our bags so as to easily recognise each other in the crowd. As if we weren't attention-seeking enough with those luminous sunglasses-_-" People were staring and pointing and I think I shocked a few by suddenly rushing forward just because they said something like "Cool pink sunglasses!" Hehe. In the end, we didn't get very high pay but whatever la. It was fun(:

It's strange; what a simple unexpected phonecall can do.
`alliwantforchristmasisyou_________

Okay I'm back. On saturday. Ate too much and am having a bad sore throat now=( Can't swallow saliva=X Korea was fun! Touched down quite late in the evening and the sun sets very early there... totally dark at around 6pm. Nothing much for the first night. It was snowing the next morning! Woohoo we were lucky :D First time in my life laa. Wanted to bring some snow (da bao=P) back for Bek but umm my mum threw it away=X Day 2, played at the top of the ski mountain...it was snowing heavily and we were throwing snowballs at each other=D Had ski-ing lessons...lots of fun and tried acting pro when no one could get up and I was the only who could=P Funny thing was I didn't feel cold throughout the 7 days though temperature ranged from -9 to 16 degree celcius=X Hands were freezing all the while though- I was lazy to wear gloves-_-"

Loved the 3rd and 4th day most. We climbed this mountain after travelling by cable car. The scenery rocked(: Oh yes, took lots of pictures with the new digicam and proved to Dad that my photography skills are at least ten thousand times higher than his standard=PpP Had to practically drag Cousin to take pictures with me everytime hrmph. We didn't get to take one on top of the snow mountain coz the cam died up there...too cold=X Then we went to the theme park in the afternoon! Hoho I was so excited laa. Queued for don't know how long for that exciting ride. 1 hour queue for 1 minute ride-_-" But it was totally worth it. Indescribable. Then the rest of the days were mostly shopping. Cousin and I decided to go out in punk-wear one day so we shopped for punky stuff:D Bought funky shoes, guy hoodie, cool cap(: Can't wait for act-punk day haha. I just don't have the right accessories and baggy jeans but never mind >.<

Fun trip, nice country, loved the weather. Didn't want to come back=X But I think I ate way too much there. We even brought back one whole box of tidbits...the cardboard box type-_- Bought some sweets for trackers, friends and other cousins and basically spent every cent before we boarded the plane back=P And umm slept two whole days away after reaching home and probably only genuinely woke up for training yesterday=X It's time to settle down and umm start homework! *GUILT*

Taufik

rocks!! :D

Hahaha. Jayce and I walked barefooted all the way home from Carehut because our shoes were wet and erm, disgusting. We attracted lots of attention on MRT and everything laa=X And when I walked from Lot One and got onto the bus... this little boy pointed at me and exclaimed (very loudly): "EEE NEVER WEAR SHOES!!" I burst out laughing o.O Embarrassing. It was cool laa. Craziest thing I've ever done. Funky! :D