o75.
*you're my sugar rush: 240604 @ 2213

I wonder if I should take back my words on NSOB Company being a promising group. Okay, they are 10 year old kids afterall. It is not appropriate to set too high an expectation on them. I was 10 years old not too long ago; I should know how they are like. Someone reminded me today that I am a perfectionist. Oh yeah. Claudine put so much pressure on us mentors as well. "If your group project screws up, I'm not going to go after them, I'm going to come after you." How encouraging. Some mentors gave up and just did almost everything for their group. If only we need not do the 2m by 2m board. The catalyst to a disaster, and one doubts the necessity of it. They have low attention span. They are already tired of their project. They refuse to think at this point in time. I feel guilty scolding them so many times today=X I'm not a good mentor. And it's going to be me, myself and I rushing this production for them tonight. Gonna start work now. I can't help but imagine myself pulling my hair out in the middle of the night, doing their project. I will not complain.

"I feel sad because most of the thing related to the project was done by our mentor. I think that our project was not successful." -Jun Zhi

=( sigh.

And yes, how could I forget, the old friends gathering. Hmm, should say that I'm glad I went. Ms Chua looks much more cheerful now haha.

[added]: 250604;4.04am
finally. done. time for 3 and a half hours of sleep. ahh. hectic day later. [/added]

If everything I do is wrong,
then I would choose not to live anymore.
I will not be somebody else.

Sometimes I wish I need not go home. Or that when I open the front door, the entire house is -lights out- and every matter is asleep. Or an unexpected surprise comes and everyone else under this roof decides to go for a holiday so that I can finally have some peace. Just some. I wish.

South View Town rocked for the first day today(: I actually love working with the kids(: Sometimes what we get may be very different from what we expected. I expected 4 rowdy 10 year old boys who have 'irritating' as their middle names. Or worse, 4 totally non-responsive 10 year old boys who spend most of the session staring at one another. Oohlala. Instead, I get 3 [one was absent] active members who are very united. NSOB Company lol. Guess I was pretty successful this first session. Managed to find out their names, class, form teacher, CCAs, current holiday-homework situation, that their favourite activities are to buy drinks and visit the toilet, their spelling standards haha, and their handwritings. Okay and their characters I suppose. I think the leader has a much higher IQ than me or something=P. And was there a minute of silence throughout the whole session? don't think so=D They managed quite some work: drafted out the 3 recipes, brainstormed about the game, booked a space in the hall, more or less figured out the rules of the game, already had their posters done long ago, and have a dartboard ready. Yay. I was pretty impressed coz they said they were going to cook, and hey, I can't cook=D Very independent youngsters with creative minds. I know I will be proud of them on the opening day. I feel old=X And the best thing is, they're well-behaved and serious about the project...which is more important than anything else. They even wrote up a Business License on a piece of extremely folded paper. I'm seldom lucky. But I think I'm really lucky this time, to have a promising group. Enjoyed chatting with them so much that erm kind of didn't want to leave=P They're obsessed with buying drinks-_-"

I love Jac's house<3 aihhh. If only I lived on the 19th storey with such a great view out of the window. If only my living room 'sofa', which are actually made of polished wood therefore not classifying under the sofa category, can be like Jac's luxurious sofa lol. Wheee farteh rocks! hahahaha.

`I'm not that thing in your bedroom's other little room which flushes. My job is NOT to take whatever shit you give me.

...pardon the language.

...Super short hair o.O

Life has been rather...hectic I guess. Busy, boring, tiring. Training with Sec 2 jumpers is fun though. At least I actually enjoy training now, not dread every single training like before, am serious, with frequent amusement(: Jumps rockkk. Much less mentally exhausting compared to long distance. But then again, sprints and jumps "stridings" to me are "full sprints". =X

Keeping to myself. It's nice to spend multiple time alone and be with yourself. Have been training, using the computer so many hours a day, eating way too much, reading books regularly, listening to the radio whenever free, and not speaking too much. Ahhh I love this kind of life, except that I guess I need a little bit more self-discipline. One week of the holidays left and how much work have I done? Not much. :( Too many things to do, too little time...and isn't 4 weeks about 3 seconds to Nicholas Flamel...-__-" It's time to stop procrastinating and slacking.

I will finish my individual holiday homework as soon as possible. I will finish my individual holiday homework as soon as possible. I will finish my individual homework as soon as possible. I will finish my individual homework as soon as possible. _{I might even try getting some revision notes done.}


Busy girl next week. South View Town from Monday to Friday- expecting it to occupy most of the week. Class gathering- BBQ at Karen's house. Chemistry group work- gonna start researching after this. IPW- oh. no. Trainings- going unless I really can't help it. That's about it. Jiayou.

Laughter is a smile that bursts(:

How to make a Karin

Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts crazyiness 5 parts beauty

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little sadness if desired!

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!! <3

(:(:(:

get a grip.

smile.

stop being sarcastic and attempt to laugh even though you think nothing's funny.

try faking up a huge sense of humour from today onwards.

be enthusiastic.

quit slacking.

challenge _me.

stop acting like you've forgotten how to speak.

find a direction.

get a life;

run away

migraine; ouch.


⁼⁽=(₌₍

270504:
whee!!! :):):)
*screams and jumps around in excitement*
it's back and worse crazier than ever.

:DDD

`you light up my life;
you're (almost) my everything*

troy rocked(: impact show. made me stone a lot after it. Achilles rocks. extremely annoyed that people who should have died didn't [namely Paris and Agamemnon] and people who shouldn't have died died. [namely archilles, hector, the troy king etc.] most died anyway. whatever. violent, shocking, action packed, powerful, sad=X

physics test was such a pleasant surprise. i have so much confidence of passing with flying colours. so far, after some calculations and tallying, there is a 0.01% chance of me not failing and a confirmation of at least 1/40 for the paper. yippee. no i'm not dwelling on it. currently looking forward to chemistry test next saturday with enthusiasm and vigor. and again, there's a 0.01% chance of history not repeating itself exactly 7 days from now. can't wait.

Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honour � and some for love.

i wish things didn't have to change.

then again, i wish i'd changed. impulsiveness seems to have lived in my bones since the day i was born. i still see a shadow, of that little antisocial girl who was all quiet when she wanted and all hyperactive the next moment. extreme. i see that little girl in her quiet, calm, raging attitude, firmly snatching the chocolate biscuit from her irritating classmate who had stolen her friend's, then putting one of her own biscuits onto her friend's plate. her eyes flash for another moment, before returning to her normal self, refusing to speak to anyone else.

i still see her in me. the raging fire burning inside. it's eating me in.

... i'm just so dead set on doing embarassing things on impulse, then regretting what a fool i've been.

"fiery and cold"; temperament unfold.

whoopee computer practically crashed, and still is. on and off now- pretty amazing how i've managed to go online. look out for 1 gigabyte ad destroyers; they suck. ><" busy busy busy. maths tys maths test revision jian bao IPW ( =die) tomorrow: IPW draft report. maths test. nyaa cip meeting. napfa. training. boo. friday: 2.4km. training. boo. saturday: 4x100m. IP race. the track thing. -_-" yesterday: NEWater plant was okay. i just don't like prestigious schools like ours; with teachers who get uptight about every scrap of a thing that contributes to about 0.000001 micron of our reputation. roxae.

The power of one is to do something.
Anything.

:D

why will one double over with laughter one moment but cry the next;
why will one's heart start snowing when the sun blazes with rage;
why will one stone and fall into a daze for nothing;
why will one's heart lighten so easily by that little something;
the reason is you; you're my everything.

yawn. yawn. yawn.
school at 6.10am : countdown- 4 more days.
banging away on piano: eyes on me. melodies of life. to zanarkland.
IP race: what's that and why am i involved? ...
sometimes it's just so _____________

- =*) -

...lost in the light*

screwed up oral today. big time. i think. hahaha. no regrets though. just that madam yick is such a mean person and i bet i failed picture discussion just because she didn't give me a chance to give any significant conclusion to the picture. she didn't even ask me if i had any other comments. argh whatever. it's not my fault she's rude. =P felt so uncomfortable being the last candidate for the exam. first time ever not first. actually it may be a good thing coz there is no need to go through the often not pleasant experience in the rowdy lecture theatres aka waiting rooms. woohoo. the chinese teacher was funkae ahaha. he was so patient and erm smiling...cool voice too X) yeah have learned not to dwell on things that are history. iceman is feeling optimistic today.

happy day with jackiap and peitient!! trained stomach muscles for the entire afternoon and practically died laughing everywhere. hopefully the plan goes well; lotsa fun, especially playing in value shop!! lollll. shall always remember my fellow two retards, lao tou-er and xiao bao zi!! oh man the fishing net classic scene of the month-_- and of course, not forgetting peixuan and her stupid [but cute=P]actions and expressions lalala. never fail to make me laugh my guts out woohoo. probably spent around 10 hours in value shop doing crazy things. and we spent about one hour laughing and stumbling from school front gate to the opposite bus stop? weeeee jackiap and peitient rockkkk(: the pr*s**t rocks too!(:

pink. blue. purple. orange. us! :D

`seeing you is like seeing someone special. which of course, is undoubtedly the truth.
you light up my life--

sore throat. oral exam tomorrow. yippee. drowning in a sea of free delocalised logarithms and exponential functions electrons. rahhh. not comfortable with basketball. i only like traaaccckkk. so physically and mentally narrow minded=x

xue ren: snow man lives up to her name wahahaha. =P

`dark chocolate! waffle cone! soyabean milk! :D

you can choose the words you wish to listen. but never am i saying what you want to hear.

you never fail to surprise me with the most unexpected choice of words.

why am i known as ice man/ snow man/ xue3 ren2 in class now..?! bleahhh. kwel 310 MVP characters X)

caimama: lol. i live up to what i write in my suibi. whatever is personal is personal. stop labelling my writings with meaningless words like "bi4 bao4" or "xue2 er2". never in my life am i going to type it out, yin wei wo bu yuan yi. and no, i'm not trying to impress anyone with extreme suibis ranging from half a page to 5 pages. glad i've made it clear. xu wei de ren zou kai.

stay funkae.

20042004: cool date(:

yes, oh my god the highway collapsed. =x

long jump was okay:) really grateful for coach clare's help. i'm a random person O.O forever can't get steppings right ahhh. but no over/understeppings today yay~ RFMMI: Room For Much More Improvement. achieving PB is a nice feeling though.

you see a new different side of a person when you really get to know him/her.

`sensation
+ the lingering taste of dark chocolate; bittersweetness.

[170404]:
i saw a bright star in the sky tonight.
it reminded me of you.
you light up my life*

falling arc's getting worse. shall have to do something about it real soon. no more being a tracker or sports person one and a half years later. better treasure the present.

yesterday was great. (what else could be the reason? ><) except for the sucky run. is there a word that's more terrible than terrible. =x i'm...claustrophobic? i think so. a little. more than that. quite.

i don't care if you smash up my phone. i don't need it. communicating with certain humans is totally pointless. have i mentioned i hate talking especially to people who assume, assume, assume. i'm immuned since way too long ago, in case your slow brain hasn't noticed. you can waste all the saliva you want. i'll always be here for you...emotionless. and yes, my regrets to inform you that hey, you've mistaken me for someone else. coz i don't give a damn.

extreme random mood.

i do stupid things all of the time.
needing sleep very badly.
lit dramatisation: big sigh.
always misinterpreted by others.
skipped daily apple today=(
what's happening to this computer.
no, i'm not pissed/dao all the time. quote stranger: it's just my normal look.
ms tan siuli is a very nice person.
bek wuay insists i'm damn you1 yu4. she resembles nono anyway=P
sleeping at one am daily doesn't rock.
"you can do much better than that" - yes i need magic sentences for motivation. it made my run, and my day.
why is the sky blue?
i'll probably screw up 400m tomorrow.
what's wrong with eating papaya everyday?
rather overwhelmed by talking art painting appreciation essay o.O
my voice is...low? ><
"you look sian" : yes i do. i'm not very enthusiastic.
copying maths assignments again. boo.
4 by 100m was great. really satisfied by positive feedback on my run. hopefully it'll be the same for finals. was kinda possessed that day, didn't know what i was doing, just...grabbing the baton and running subconsciously? it seemed to be over in a matter of miliseconds. celine didn't start very fast. priscilla was great! vivien was flying. yeahhh. exciting event(:
we shouldn't over generalise too much.
i will train hard. there's only one and a half years left as a tracker.
addicted to ice cream.
i'm too judgemental; she's really nice.
jumping, it's the closest feeling to flying.
jia jia you ben nan nian de jing.
physics test was okay.
HCL was rather easy -_-
lit was..strange =x
hey, how are you?
fading...fading away.
no more international friendship day rehearsals for caimama.
surprise, surprise.
soyabean!
TGIF: thank goodness it's friday.
mei you da an ye shi yi zhong da an.


`i can't stop thinking of you
it's true
+ i'm stuck on you*

busybusybusybusy.
longitudinalwavestransversewaves. longitudinalwavestransversewaves.
...physics is boring.

dreading friday. let it rain and joy to the world.
stupid peixuan (=Pp) reminded me of her 'her' which reminded me of...

it's back again. faded once upon a time, returning to existence.
`can't stop the secret smiling addiction again. helppp.

how is it that something so trivial could be capable of affecting me in the most extreme way? to think i thought it had disappeared for good

...you drive me crazy*

ahhhh.

rahhhh. loserrrrr!!

could i have done better? duh.
do stitches suck? yes.
was i totally crawling through the track? yes.
was i supposed to run like at least 10 seconds faster? yes.
was it a bad day? yep.
did i feel good? NO.

ahhhhhh. *screams and tears hair apart* lousy stinking runner! lethargic times hundred.

"taff tlenin meks taff sohjer."
p.s: remember to get a life too! =)
-PT

...

fading...fading away.

no, i really don't know.

guess who? XP

i'm jealous of you.
you can throw tantrums anytime you like
you need not keep it bottled up inside
it's your way of expressing how you feel
a form of releasing your frustrations without a care in the world
what about me?
i don't storm dramatically in my room and leap onto my bed in hysterics
i don't scream and cry for the entire universe's acknowledgement
i don't i won't i can't
it's as if i never have the right to.
i didn't, don't and will never have.
it's just wrong for me to express any outbursts of any form of expression
i am supposed to be sensible 101% of the time
i prepare myself for reprimands whenever i display any form of so called "unnecessary emotions"
i don't have a right to throw tantrums like you do as you wish
you're ignorant
you don't bother to know how badly people get affected by your action packed ventings and high volumed drama
i'm sorry that i feel sorry for you
coz whenever i get screamed at for my infamous 'attitude'
it's you i see getting your own way
you're young, you're sly
you're manipulative; a single expression from you determines the next step to every situation
power is in your hands
or is it.
i chose to ignore you now, you see
i'm proud of myself for being able to nonchalantly listen to the walkman while you roar and rage in the background
i am not afraid anymore
i will not pity myself just because of you my little spoilt brat
it's silence i learnt, that is victory
i glow in silence and darkness; i feel power from within
whereas you my dear are afraid of it
just as you are deep down afraid of me.

走而不回

想笑　来伪装心里的眼泪
转身后 晴天忽然变好黑好黑
你曾说 我们会一起走过天黑
到最后我却看着你走而不回

想哭　但知道你不会来安慰
我心碎 再也不会有你的伴陪
你说过 我们的友情永不会毁
但愿今后不会再为你流泪

天灰灰　会不会
再见友情的欢悲
黑夜越黑　梦违背
难追难回味
你在我心已经慢慢地退
也许事与愿违
累不累　睡不睡
友情为何那么累
黑夜越黑　梦违背
还能依靠谁
你在我心已经慢慢地退
也许逃避不是天大的罪

想哭　但知道你不会来安慰
我心碎 再也不会有你的伴陪
你说过 我们的友情永不会毁
但愿今后不会再为你流泪

天灰灰　会不会
再见友情的欢悲
黑夜越黑　梦违背
难追难回味
你在我心已经慢慢地退
也许事与愿违
累不累　睡不睡
友情为何那么累
黑夜越黑　梦违背
还能依靠谁
你在我心已经慢慢地退
也许逃避不是天大的罪

你在我心已经慢慢地退
也许回忆也是一种可悲

`jacxuankarin*©2004 till infinity-

(: (: (: ahhh. it's our masterpiece! really speechless. depressing songs probably ain't cai mama's cup of tea, but who cares, we love it, it's 80% original lyrics and it's meaningful! not to mention memorable. though the chorus is more of less the same and barely different, but editing such an already perfect song is tough times tough. not to mention half of the time we were sidetracked=P anyhow, copyrited till infinity ya? =*)

T.T changed our seating arrangements and positions in class already. second day sitting beside priscilla...it's so strange! she's a nice girl of course but miss peitient and jackiap a lot a lot!! T.T currently about five thousand miles away from the two of them in class. how's that. it's a matter of time i guess. things will never be the same again. they never do. or will there be exceptions? feeling extremely exposed and restricted in class. sitting by the door was really cool, while The Three Of Us used to crap and create stupid songs during HCL, doing crazy things and making lotsa noise, now the whiteboard view is clear as anything but being directly under the eyes of dearest suzanne mama ain't exactly pleasant yeah. besides, i'm beginning to hate dislike her each day. one of the top 3 things on my CSI (cannot stand it) list: having the option to choose but being forced and restricted resulting in extreme pissiness on my part. you lose and gain after changes are made i guess.

not getting enough sleep!! tsk tsk can't stand it. dozing off during a maths today, what a struggle in attempt to force open one's eyelids. zzzz. lots happened this week. SPH relay tomorrow and sunday, not competing but reserving-_-" fingers crossed for everyone and all the best~ oh yeah, the upper sec maths quiz thing. totally flopped it, good luck three ten. apologies coz gonna pull down si heng zhao yan and bek wuay with my natural incapabilities and excel-phobia of maths=X sure of it. but on the other hand, who was the idiot who selected this maths-idiot here without asking for other human opinion? not me. and besides, i tried my best right? yeah, trying my best to guess 90% of the answers. =xXx

...shall remember the jac peixuan angie karin kap day on wednesday. oh yea, not to forget CXY during part 1 :P loved every moment of it, company, atmosphere, laughter, acting serious, out of tune lyrics, imagery, everything. RA jokes! lmao* shit songs! distracting radio! cheemology! song thinker song writer song tester! purple chocs! what ifs... shi jie mo ri/zou er bu hui rocks(: missing peixuan and jac! :(

[added] oh, and guess what? i'm still missing OBS. [/added]

...intensified sadness.

Thank you, you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear?
No, it isn't gonna happen here

cause it's so yesterday*