o25.
*you're my sugar rush: 010104 @ 2133

Hello, 2004.

sigh. it's officially back to school tomorrow. i have absolutely no mood for school reopening. can't even imagine myself waking up at 6am tomorrow morning O.O shall sleep early tonight lol.

almost everyone on msn is pia-ing homework...heh. i feel shuang [lol fine i'm so evil] didn't do anything today except watching loads of tv. bleahhh. tomorrow's 310*04. [saying it loads of times so i'll get used to it.]

...good thing tomorrow's friday. o.O and i shall start getting used to writing 2004 as the date coz at the start of each year i'll just absently write the wrong date bleahhh. gtg sleep. keeping fingers crossed that i'll wake up in time for school tomorrow. >.<

In less than 2 hours' time, it will be goodbye to 2003. i know i can't manipulate time, so all i can do is to try jotting down every single memory that appears in my mind now and then. Yeah, this has been the most eventful year and all that. that's precisely why it's so difficult to capture every memory and recalling them. I have many regrets. Compared to the previous years, [i've been doing "list" of regrets since i was 10] it's a whole long list. Sigh.

A few resolutions:
1. to grow taller [170cm]
2. *self discipline and motivation
3. self confidence
4. be polite to people
5. cut down on vulgarities o.O
6. *work hard for trainings
7. try to be more hardworking [academically]
8. practise piano; put in more effort
9. improve stamina and arm strength
10. *decrease level of temperamentalism.
11. drink more water.
12. cut down on junk food aka intruduce healthy lifestyle
13. read newspapers.
14. stop increasing horizontally=X
15. *be nice to sister and parents-.-
16. stop spending so much money
17. *keep in touch with fivers
18. *organise time properly
19. *be happy
20. be a good girl.

That's about it. to sum up, I've learned a lot of lessons this year. It has been a great year, great, but not exactly happy. But it has been an experiencing year. Too many 'first times', discovered more about myself, trying to be a good friend and hardworking during trainings but can't seem to find the self discipline and motivation. that's what I've been lacking this year. Hopefully, year 2004 will be a good year ahead.

-friends-
205*03 has been with me closely this year. I thank all fivers for being there. special thank you to ferleen, celine, suet, a.tee, ps. i will miss everyone. Coz by tomorrow, it will be 310*04 and not 205*03 anymore.

-cca-
learnt a lot through track this year. represented the team for the first time during nationals. hopefully i will do better next year coz i'll definitely try my very best. there are many invisible obstacles along the way, but i'll learn.

-family-
on and off with parents. not on very good terms with family this year. i've nothing much to say, coz i'm pretty stubborn and all that. plenty of reflections to be made for the new year...

-individual-
me. wishes: good health, kepp to resolutions, character change-for the better, freedom. i have matured okay. it was time for me to grow up anyway. for the past 13 years or more, i have finally reached self realisation. or so i hope. i'm glad i understand myself better now. and i accept myself for who i am. 2003 rocked.

Happy 2004 and best wishes to everyone=)

done!

holiday homework all done! woohoo. what an accomplishment. ahaha. i finished reading hong lou meng today. lolll. *bows to jo* thankssss. but mine is the tiny book version remember...and it's supposed to be less than 10% of the length of the original version. bleahhh.

should i make a list of resolutions now. nvm shall do it in the next entry. o.O resolutions are supposed to be things that are gonna help me improve in the new year ahead...? both physically, mentally, academically and emotionally right. fine. and i too have so many people to thank. i forgot that i have an open diary that's extinct. shall make it come back to life today. tsk. go read, yes you. i have to thank you right? =)

-december holiday homework 2003-
1. english: commonwealth essay
2. english: oral recording crap.
3. chinese book reviews
4. maths...thing.
5. english literature poem
6. IPW proposal.

...this has been...a long yet too short year. it's an ending that leads to a new beginning. endings make beginnings exist. and beginnings come to an end someday, somehow.

yi shi de mei hao.

...half of hong lou meng left. haha i shall try to appreciate it. i shall finish all my homework by tomorrow. all except ipw lah. -.- and i'm supposed to sleep early from tonight onwards coz dad wants me to practice waking up early at normal school time so i'll get used to it. lol so lame. still haven't been training. don't know what's happening to me.

haha everyone says this...but really i shall say it too. one year has passed already. time for resolutions and list of regrets[i'm weird coz i do that every year] one more day to do it. i used to prepare my list straight after christmas the previous years. haha does it show of me becoming lazier? =X and i'm getting from bad to worse really. in all ways. 360 degrees negatived. shan't mention it now. gonna change blog layout for 2004. hopefully ferleen can view it properly after that. o.O

and shit the bloody mosquito is still here. the fan is on at full blast coz i'm wearing long sleeves and covered from head to toe. bleahhh. stupid mosquito. and i've decided not to countdown to 2004 for once this year. shall just let it arrive without me noticing...that's for the best i guess. just this time.

-december holiday homework 2003-
1. english: commonwealth essay
2. english: oral recording crap.
3. chinese book reviews
4. maths...thing.
5. english literature poem
6. IPW. [whatever]

[12.57am]:
1. I TRIED LICKING MY ARMPIT AND SUCCEEDED. THAT PART GOT WET.
2. I LOVE MOHAMED ALI <333333
3. "STOP CALLING ME MRS ALI."
4. fei yu qing is my first crush (I <33333333333333 him!)
5. "ACTUALLY CAN LICK ARMPIT LAH."
6. "OMG YOU TRIED."
7. "I LOVE ARMPIT-LICKING." [suet!]

*dies laughing* omfg. zhong ji mi ma rocks. haha we rock! [celpssuetferme]

my reputation is at stake. people started asking me whether i really liked fei yu qing. *dies* nvm. cel's worst. lolll. *xing zai le huo* spammmmmm.

[added]: 11.20pm. blooooooop. >.< [/added]

hong lou meng totally sucks. i haven't started reading it. bought this tiny book version from popular. the font is soooo tiny i shall squint until my eyes disappear. boohoo. later gonna do re-recording. i think o.O bleah. haven't been training for more than one week. timed trials coming for long distance izzit? =X [fine i'm talking to myself] been eating and eating and not doing homework. woohoo. and being bored and doing crazy things and eating. boo.

finally bought stationery. i need a new pencil case but can't find one after...nearly 6 months of searching. =( actually planning to finally get down to reading hong lou meng tomorrow. but fortunately and unfortunately, gonna be out whole day. bleahhh. i know i can never finish my homework until the last...second. haha and now i'm damn bored coz i have tons of homework to do but i choose to just laze around and go online like nobody's business. [it IS nobody's business.] i wish i would get a life.

there's this freaking mosquito in the living room. ahhh everyone who has been here[the living room] would have been victims of that bloodsucking idiot [wow what a name] mosquitoes suckkkk. >.<

How can you hang up if the line is dead
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on, I'm already gone
If the light is off then it isn't on
*so yesterday.

lollll. being bored to death really makes people do crazy things, just like what ferleen says. me for example,i've finished reading every single entry from ferleen's -blog-. lol. i recommend to people who have plenty of time to waste to read her entire archive. [to ferleen: your blog seriously rocks haha.] and i've finished reading cel's today. quite little compared to fer's. bleah.

we're still playing zhong ji mi ma. lol. *dies puking* fei yu qing sucks okay. bleahhh. I LURRRRRVEEEEEE FEI YU QINGGGG!!!!!!!! <333333 HE IS SHUAIIII [muacks]. that's totally ferleen lorh ahahaha. i think the big boobs idea rocks heh=D ahhh this entry is crappp.

really boreddd. haven't been this bored since SARS. bleah. finished recording the english assignment but may re-record it again tomorrow. haven't started hong lou meng yet. ahhh shit. and IPW. since i only know vivien, jacqueline, liting and xinling in 310 quite difficult to group. but vivien's my life saver!! phew. good thing her group only has 3 people. could have hugged her through handphone lol. nvm. i was desperate. *shrug*

didn't go grandma's house today. ended up being online for whole day. the computer has been on since the minute i woke up...more than 12 hours already. bleahhh. and watched home alone 2 for the 59th time just now...? and watched nba during lunch. oooh watched rugrats in the morning too[fine 12 isn't exactly morning]. lol. i have been watching too much tv. when i usually watch about 60 minutes each week during normal school days. =X rugrats rocks! seriously. people who don't have nickelodeon probably have no clue. never mind. the babies are so cute. haha. the way they speak especially. the show's whole perspective is from a baby's point of view- which makes it really cute. and so naive and innocent. awww.

not today. o.O

happy boxing day. bleahh. oh, yesterday went shopping with mum. for her colleagues' christmas presents. tsk. really last second lorh. but we were at chalet and didn't have time to buy so yea. walked around westmall. westmall is boringgggg heh though the food court rocks. [i'm on an eating spree this week. o.O] ate before shopping around. forgot what she bought. i wasn't paying attention. heh. oh, but helped her choose perfume for her close friend. bleahh. then before we left, i couldn't resist the burger king hershey's sundae pie and simply had to have it. =P piggg.

then headed down to ferleen's house. cute christmas tree! it's white and the presents are cute and i love the rainbow candy canes=D and me and a.tee had to pose for a photo alone beside the white christmas tree and take a photo each. solo pictures are...solo=X heehee. i couldn't stop laughing. lol. haha the photo family...and we ate. [note: i just ate before arriving at her house] lol. and played jap-card-uno with trina and darren. [haha i know them so well to be on first name basis liao eh?] the imac computer is so interesting haha. oh then i forgot what happened le. O.O anyway me and a.tee ended eating 3 rounds [izzit?] madnessss. and everytime we'll take the same amount of food. ahaha. oh and the spraying thing. whoa. *lost for words* and the sparklers rocked! my first time ever lol. really. and the ghostly candles. oooo. heh it was quite fun lah. at least the xmas mood and atmosphere was in the air=) and i love the christmas tree lol.

there are some things which i don't voice out in any way. but it still exists. and i just can't forget about it.

[11.14pm]: boreddddd. bored to deathhhh. =(

back from chalet. about 50 hours without the computer, a bit weird=X the old computer in my room crashed on sunday heh. i think dad is deciding to buy a new computer again. bleah. the only things he spends extensively on are his fish, food and computer stuff. boo. >.< everyone's out celebrating tonight..? all the christmas parties etc. i'm just...tired i guess. even my sister is out lol.

i love the sea. we checked in at around 4pm on monday and it was way better than last year. coz this year mum got the block B room so it's so damn near to everything...quite in the mood=) oh and went out to changi village for dinner. ate a lot=X okay i ate a lot. bleahh. walked around the resort after dinner. checked out the pool area. it's above the ground and weird. but i'm not interested in swimming anyway, since i can't swim. o.O okay then just hanged around in the room, watching tv, eating titbits. bleah i kept on eating=P couldn't sleep. secretly woke up at 6am and sneaked out to pasir ris park...around where there's the first bit of sea. but the sun was out already didn't get to catch the sunrise. haha dilly dally mah >.<

cycling in the afternoon. i like to cycle alone. with the breeze and glimpse of the sea and everything. and pasir ris park is a roxy place to cycle=) dad and mum were on the two people bicycle. ahahahaha. evil sis was weak as in energy-less and couldn't catch up with me. so too bad=P ate again. ahhhhh i've seriously grown fatter. *bish* to those people out there who are outdated and still thinking i'm thin. hello. i'm fat. f-a-t. lol. i'm sickening, aren't i. oh and went cycling in the evening again...heh and this time at least caught the sunset..nice. i like to just sit near the rockish place and enjoy the wind. thought about a lot of things. being with my parents can be a good thing too. burdenless. didn't even leave the house with my wallet yea. shuang. oh, and again, ate in the evening. lol.

pigggg. all i do is eat. oh, and sleep. slept a lot yesterday night. though it was semi-conscious sleep, which is supposed to be unhealthy? =X coz our dearest neighbours were making a huge din lorh. they were my mum's colleague's son and his friends. lol. should be sec fours. oh and our two "balcony doors" were side by side. first level though. and they were somewhere away sitting by the bench. they put a blasting radio right ON our 'balcony step'. moreover, it was way over 11pm, the supposedly legal time people can complain about noise disruption. heh. people who know me: bingo. pulled the curtains and glared at them for like a second. nothing happened lol. so had to go up and knock on their door, telling them politely that we were trying to sleep. i simply had to add on that shin's songs [xin4 yue4 tuan2] rock but they seem to be inappropriate at 12am in the morning. *self amused* whatever lah. then no more music liao quite okay. the group went back to the room. but i think they started playing those games like truth or dare etc. they played till 4am okay. as in making a din until 4am. woohoo. my dad had to yell in his booming voice that they better keep their noise level down or he was calling housekeeping. lol. they quietened down, but the noise could still be heard. so i half-slept till 9am. bleahh. checked out at 11. i'm tired.

didn't attain any significant tan-.- but it's a good thing too, coz my troublesome left elbow is wrapped with white bandage now. don't want any weird tanlines=X the healing wound's itchy. hee. i keep trying to scratch lol. i'm boreddd. i'm forever trying to entertain myself at night. the entire household is asleep as always. tv's boring. no countdown. can't play the piano or neighbours will complain. oh, and received 11 christmas cards today. some were already sent here yesterday. *feels guilty* i'm not one who sends out cards enthusiastically. lol. i'm just not a very enthusiastic person, eh? -.- and i don't know what to do somemore. so mei2 you3 qing2 qu4. should i send out thank you cards? lol. blahhh.

*merry christmas=)

-december holiday homework 2003-
1. english: commonwealth essay
2. english: oral recording crap.
3. chinese book reviews
4. maths...thing.
5. english literature poem
6. IPW. *pulls hair*

moodless these two days. just these feeling of having lots of things to say but i don't want people to know about it which leads to not blogging. -.- i'm not a good blogger. keeping everything to myself and harping on negative things...and i've got this feeling that someone's badmouthing me somewhere. oohlala, i'm always paranoid. and it's someone i know. coz people i don't know don't know about this...whatever-shit-you-call-it-blog.

having an injury near your elbow...or rather in my case, an exposed wound near the elbow is one of the worst things to happen. *takes a deep breath* coz it's like whenever i move my left arm the stiffness causes the joint to hurt and coz i applied dark purple medicine on the wound i'm pretty visible from afar and i'm not used to wearing long sleeves so whenever and where ever i go people will keep staring especially people on the bus hate it when people stare at me like i'm an alien and since i'm waiting for the wound to heal the purple medicine which is iodine is supposed to cause it to harden [=X] which means the skin is supposed to come off by itself but i'm afraid i'll accidentally bump into or 'hook' onto things and something disastrous might happen and to add on it makes it ten thousand times worse that i have[had] difficulty changing clothes and bathing and i keep bumping into things with my elbow and even when i sit on a chair the wound will somehow get into contact with the armrest and yeah it hurts so my dad has to go buy the white bandage thing for preventive measures therefore it sucks. *pants*

bleah. off for family chalet tomorrow evening. pasir ris again. nvm. hopefully everything will turn out fine. i wanna go cycling and get a tanner tan. =D heh yah lah just now still complaining about stupid elbow and still wanna go cycling. hey, i still went for trainings and lifted weights. O.O and i find it challenging=P ooh and it didn't affect me playing piano at all. good. forgot what i wanted to say. boo.

..."familiarity breeds contempt". okay fine i told myself i won't mention touchy subjects. change topic. now i'm in a situation where i want to go out with friends but then i disillusion and find myself with no friends and i'm afraid of asking people out coz i keep thinking everyone's busy and doesn't have time for me and andrea will be gone on wednesday which means i'll have to face trainings alone. everyone around me celebrates christmas except for me. >.< heh.

oh and, is it true that i show it on my face all the time no matter what...? i'm easy to guess huh. though not that easy to figure out=X being super sensitive doesn't help in anything. neither does being strongly opinionated. i'm just not convinced. *shrugs* coz people around me make it seem as if me being opinionated sucks and everyone hates me coz of that...even though they don't show it. why am i so plain stubborn. haha oh yeah, ask my parents.

this song makes me sad but the more i wanna listen to it...coz it applies to everything. and shit my discman was spoilt two months ago so have to survive chalet with...books? -.- okay and tv. may rush in an entry tomorrow...but it's bye for now. christmas eve, till then.

[added] oh yes...how can i forget to mention. went for haircut. and it's...short. according to what ferleen described...it's a bit like a.tee's! *dies laughing* oh man can't imagine having the same hair as a.tee o.O [/added]

all i can say is, there are still too many things you won't understand.

and i swear that from today onwards, the tone i'll use to speak to you will be firm and nothing more. you can judge again on the aspects of my attitude so as you call it- since it's your favourite subject, for all i care.

-december holiday homework 2003-
1. english: commonwealth essay
2. english: oral recording crap.
3. chinese book reviews
4. maths...thing.
5. english literature poem
6. IPW. *curses*

updates on left arm: swollen twice as much as yesterday. scab part is healing though bone part uhh hurts even when i lightly touch it=X nvm. still going training tomorrow anyway. been practising running action with the arm and there doesn't seem to be a problem so...it's okay i guess.=)

haven't started homework yet. and i have exactly...11 days to finish them before start of school since i'm gonna be away due to family chalet next week. bleahh. gonna start with maths and literature later. why do our school teachers love to issue crap homework for holidays...? firstly, the english recording crap. everyone will be handing in different types of cassettes, tapes and cds...how on earth are they going to grade it. secondly, why do we always have to do creative writing type of maths holiday assignments. apparently after 2 years, it hasn't helped us much and has yet proven to be of any relevance. last but not least, the ipw proposal we're supposed to hand in in early january...is it? i only know 4 people in my future class and i bet not everyone will be able to form a project team during the holidays. what crap. forget it. and book reviews are a waste of time, just trying to make us read books. and we often have to squeeze out words to fill in...sentences that are supposed to be our opinion on the book...we usually end up writing words that are empty and...unfeeling. if one really likes a particular book so much, one would not even need to use words to describe the feeling coz it's supposed to be...indescribable. and to do book reviews we use books that we usually won't choose to read. reading is supposed to be a form of leisure, to interest us and widen our perceptions of thinking maybe...yeah we're always encouraged to read a wide variety of books. but humans always have preference. if we don't...why are there so many different genres of books in the first place..? aren't they existing so that we can make a choice? bleahhh. whatever.

......

sting.

ahh the agony. my arm still hurts. bleah. okay. training today, was hurdling and lost control, practically flew halfway in the air and landed...on the track, left arm first. *winces* my poor left elbow. hurt like hell when i rinsed it under water haha. got sensation=P nvm. the wound is exposed and looks disgusting. shan't spare anyone from the details ahaha. i'm evil. nvm. just wanna remember this...for as long as possible. haven't experienced physical pain for quite some time? bleah. the scab is ugh. it's swollen now and the skin part was at first whitish *ewww* then reddish, then now it's half half. =D got bruise at the side. and lots of pus-yuck! and i look like a huge mess now coz applied the blue medicine and you can see me from...thousand kilometres away >.< nvm. ahh this is crap.

okay. i said i wanted to blog a long, or long meaningful entries. gotta be serious. i like putting up brave fronts. like how i will tell everyone i was "okay" and then when i'm alone in the toilet i'll start crying coz i pity myself. haha. loser. i don't know how to comfort and console people. i've finally found out the reason why. coz i like to mind my own business. i may even get pissed just because people kept asking me whether i was "okay" after a fall. i don't do that to people. and i don't need people to pity me. haha yeah i'm mean. or rather, i like to keep a distance from people. okay. i don't expect people to question me due to concern, so i naturally don't expect myself to. haha. i'm not coldhearted okay. i'm just...weird. the leave-me-alone kind of weird. o.O forget it.

strong emotion from reading ferleen's entry. heh. i like talking to ferleen, or rather, conversing through msn. i'm not one whose motto is "face to face anyday". bleah. -.- ms tan said i'm shy. haha. maybe i am after all. shall blog about that later. [so disorganised.] i'll just naturally pour out my sorrows, okay that's an exaggeration, i mean...ahh whatever i give up. just feel that it's easy to tell ferleen my troubles or whatever that is. at least we understand how each other feel since erm we experience quite similar feelings lah. *i really cannot express myself properly.* anyway, thanks for making me feel better, fer=)

today's a...not exactly normal kind of normal-day. [this paragraph will probably be in alienic language coz nobody will know what i'm talking about anyway.] ms tan was right. i'm a person who is afraid to take on new things. i don't like to try coz i don't want to go through the risk of failing. coz i care a lot of what other people think about me. my greatest weakness. "learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes." do i even have the confidence to. she was right in saying don't be afraid to try. you will definitely make mistakes, but it's only through mistakes that you learn. and to do this, you must have the courage to take on a first attempt, so that you can take on the second attempt, third attempt etc. it's the first step that is the greatest obstacle. and i'm afraid of taking that first step. shall learn to let go and overcome the fear[?]. i'll try. no, i will. at least i'll be determined to give it a shot.

*they were disappointed, but not more than i was disappointed with myself.

boreddd. boreddd. i desperately need some form of entertainment. lol. okay. suet and ferleen are currently entertaining themselves with cantonese vulgarities.[i can never spell that word correctly. was that one correct anyway. o.O] ahhhh. and i've downloaded 39 songs to drench myself in. heh. -_-"

going out with andrea tomorrow. ahahaha. jeans day >.< long time no training already la. can't believe i'm missing training. missing as in xiang nian. lol.

yeah i agree everyone's fake. at least at the moment, i sure am. directing this to people living under the same roof, i hate people touching my things and i repeat do not touch my stuff without permission. damn you. even my mp3s. yes i'm a hell selfish person but so what? it's not as if you rock anyhow. i keep telling myself to ren3. and for the zillionth time, stop telling me that my attitude sucks coz it's the people i'm around with who determine my mode of expression. yeah. i don't flare up as a hobby you see. and forgot-who's favourite quote: if you don't like what you see, shut your eyes. so there.

what am i to do with my life?
how am i supposed to know what's right? ...

lalala! happy~=D [for once lol.] went out today. queensway first. finally bought my pink converse shoes~ ahahahaha. yay=P [strike off wishlist] okay then down to orchard. heh. bought a huge-.- top with diagonal rainbow stripes. funkae=P one fine day i shall go shopping in town alone. heehee. white shimmering dust powder from the body shop rocks(:

still haven't touched homework. shit=X whatever lah. i know i can't trust myself. 100% no self discipline. blah. jay rocks=P [*makes a face at wanga* =D] haha.

*xing xing de yan lei
man tian de feng xue
wo bei hui yi si mian wei xie
ni ju jue liao jie
she me jiao diao xie
she me jiao zuo ku zhe shi qu yi qie.

-bei dou xing.

not blogging during 10pm news for once. bleahh. watching sea games again. celine's back!! =D heehee. spent the whole day downloading mp3s and listening like crazy. -.- heh. all the songs i used to love and the "all-time favourites" ~ listening to them now brings back sudden emotion i guess. bleahh.

i guess nobody truly understands you except [probably] your sibling. haha. i don't know. to me, i've known my sister for 10 years. no other human being on earth understands her as much as i do. not even my parents. coz a person's real personality is always shown through how he/she treats his/her siblings i guess. blah. so i'm a mean person. >.< sometimes she sucks so much i wanna hit her real bad. shocked that at such a young age, she can get her own way through all those cunning manipulation skills, twirling our parents around her little finger. blah. one fine day, i shall explode and release everything. but at this moment, i just want peace. erm what do they say about the dirty linen in public thing? bleahh. she sucks anyway. =P

i haven't touched homework! yippee~ [what's maths about?!] and how am i going to start on IPW when i know only 4 people in my class next year. 310*04. i shall try to get used to it. crappp.

*ru guo you yi tian
meng xiang dou shi xian
hui yi dou cheng le yong yuan
ni shi fou hai hui ji de jing tian
ru guo you yi tian
wo men dou fa jue
yuan lai shen me dou ke yi
wu lun shi fou hai hui ting liu zai zhe li...

-dang ni.

-strawberry craze-

[why am i always blogging when the 10pm news is on. -.- bleahhh.] mood: antisocial. achievement: i haven't spoken for one day. heh. which means, i haven't opened my mouth and nobody heard my sucky voice today at all. =D a few more minutes to 24 hours without speaking. yeah man.

haha. without my sickening voice on the surface of earth = peace. was a loner today. went library by myself. [lol.] and hey ferleen me too. it was raining and i was also wearing sleeveless. heh=D nvm. was sitting in a corner minding my business. haha reading previous months' copies of cleo, seventeen and teenage etc. being alone is fun=)

and danqing, the song playing is duan le de xuan-- jay chou. [haha your my favourite! XD]

*wo tu ran shi huai de xiao
xiao sheng pan xuan ban shan yao
sui feng zai piao yao ah yao
lai dao ni de mian qian ro
ni lei shui wang xia de diao
shuo hui ji zhu wo de hao
wo ya wan qi le zhui jiao xiao...

hah. sometimes i really don't understand what's your fucking problem. you complain about my attitude. you say, "don't give me that look. if you can't speak nicely, shut up." yea baby. then you come and start nagging. blah blah bleah. and you say, "answer when you're spoken to." and i give you that look again.

tell you what. i obeyed you, you see. why should i explain to you that you told me to shut up so yes i did, i shut up. so what's the problem. the problem doesn't lie in me, it lies in you. so what if i have an 'attitude'. you know perfectly well that nothing nice comes out of my mouth so WHY DO YOU STILL ASK STUPID QUESTIONS. and quit telling me i'm unreasonable. look at who's speaking with their mouths open right now. not me.

i hate talking.

*so it's true, silence is the best melody.

ahahaha. our complicated relationship. firstly, i shall declare that i love dearest joyce with all my heart. ahaha. though joyce, i must confess that i have once harboured feelings for suet, who is seriously mei4 li4 wu2 fa2 dang3. XD and of course, cxy and siewfun, the two special people whom i go crazy over occasionally. and not to forget, celine. i'm celine's chai fei! [omg can't believe i said that] and a.tee don't even think of snatching joyce from me. hrmph. heh i sound hua1 xin1. but anyway, i am still 100% true to joyce okay. people out there, don't seduce me! *pukes*. [especially suet. ahahha] coz i love joyce=D

enough of confessions. welcome back a.tee, now suddenly our msn convers are full of life. =D and announcement [copy suet]: i am taken and not looking. ahahaha. i seriously am very loyal okay. i shall not be distracted by temptations [eg. suet, cxy, siewfun] and celine i miss you. =(

[edit]why is everyone obsessed over friendster. i'm not interested. =X and i'm forever blur. *blurs*[/edit]

*wo hui fa zhe dai
ran hou wang ji ni
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan.
xiang zhe na yi tian
hui you ren dai ti
rang wo bu zai xiang nian ni.

was pms-ing yesterday lah. =X and just finished watching hong xing da jiang-.- star awards izzit. all the holland village people haha...yay mo xiao ling deserved it=P and jeff wang is good! why. heh like what suet said, LIFE IS NEVER FAIR. =D

surprise surprise! i actually went to ivle today. lol [ahh i'm influenced by ferleen. lol. ->see.] how come i only found two modules for holiday homework? so far all i know is there are english, maths and chinese homework. oh, that lit thing. is it considered. *shrug* shall start doing my homework soon. [as if]

changed mouse. haha very unused to it coz it's the sensor-light one. the blue light keeps flashing at the side. distracting grrr. shall get used to it. =X and i'm lame and bored. keep testing out the scanner and scanning every single one of my neos. oh scanned the leaf sec 4 seniors gave us too=) why can't i resize the scanned in pictures. blah.

i shall imitate celine and do a public announcement. celine tagged me! *feels honoured* busy woman=P everyone seems busy. haha i shall be busy too. actually did spring cleaning today lol. and haven't planned our so called outings...? cel and suet always busy, ps disappeared and a.tee on holiday. bleah.

*broken string, how can i hear it?
you never hear my feelings anymore.
your change is like a broken string
no matter how i try to connect it
the sound is like a stranger
i'm able to distinguish the change.

i. have. no. life.

congratulate me. all i do nowadays are: eat. sleep. use computer. training. training. training. use computer. eat. sleep. train. train. train. eat. sleep. [and the cycle goes on...] haha was inspired by sec 4 seniors to train hard. really. anyway, just feel very shi bai. like i can't succeed in anything. never lost belief in myself to that extend before. *shrug* whatever. maybe i'm a loser.

had a conversation with ferleen in the afternoon. we were both at home. o.O i just don't feel like doing anything anymore. and i'm too passive a person to initiate any outings or whatsoever. waiting for people to come to me--haha i pay off anyway. ps and cel are missing! haven't seen them online for...very long. i've lost my verbal communication skills. i cannot speak to anyone face to face without pissing that person off. i just want to shut up and be...alone. i tend to be forever hyper online though. or maybe i'm just putting up a front. loser. dreading the trainings without andrea, the only person i'll talk to. i'm afraid i might snap at whoever it is haha. so dao-ing is best. [i remember suet, you said you liked to dao too=P] i don't care. my family is pissed at me already. great. haha surprisingly i feel shuang. no one will bother me again.

boohoo. are we going out tomorrow. haven't planned. and suet owes me a neo with me. >.< i miss everyone.

gtg watch miss world haha. i shall learn from ferleen and try destroying templates, although you're not destroying it lorh, it always rocks=)

*been wanting to start on holiday homework[finally] but haven't even gone to ivle yet. bleah.
-reminder- i shall, i mean i must start a homework list soon.

[editted]okay fod is extinct. i've stopped at my 100th entry there-__-" and actually wanted to use shoutbox like celine but no suitable template there lah. at least tagboard has pastel colours. >.< oh, celine and peeps are at raffles town club for karaoke session now izzit? haha. lu bian yi keee rong shu xiaaaa shi wo huai nian di di fanggg~ o.O

i blog short entries. life rocks. why have i been feeling so antisocial nowadays. i used to think in the past that i'm a sociable person. well, not anymore *shrugs*. all i do is coop myself up at home and do...nothing. nada. whatever.

*happy birthday andrea=D [/editted]

hello. haha i actually opened a blog-style open blog-.- new computer, so new blog. i really have, i mean had blogging phobia. coz i always type as if i'm talking to myself and i'll feel uncomfortable blogging when i know there are other human eyes reading what i've typed. o.O yeah, i care a lot of what people think about me and i'm super opinionated so normally what i type is what i wanna read, not neccessarily to others. aih whatever. not gonna advertise that much anyway. people might start hating me >.< my first attempt at the layout...it looks horrible lah but who cares=D and hey! realised i'm actually blogging in my own blog and not in other people's. namely, ferleen and her guestbook/tagboard=D i'm not like ferleen who blogs extensively, nor like suet and a.tee who blog humourously, nor like cel who blogs pro-ly. T.T but nvm, i shall test myself to see how long i can survive here. bleah.

gonna add links soon. and the layout looks plain, but i like=) pinkkk.

*special thanks to celine, ferleen and ps for help and valuable advice=P