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*you're my sugar rush: 2006-12-14 @ 10:06 p.m.

Uhh this is totally random. In case anyone still comes to this page, which isn't very possible, I moved long ago.



http://after1999.livejournal.com


ELJAY IS ♥ (:

Been tagged. By tong. Haha.

1. tong
2. elizabeth
3. ys
4. vivien
5. eleen
6. yuxing
7. bek
8. peixuan
9. liting
10. diana
11. xiaole
12. yuhan
13. joanne
14. iris
15. weirdguy
16. huiping
17. benjamin
18. jovine
19. aaron
20. michael

1. How did you meet 14? Dance. Retarded senior! :D
2.What would you do if you never met 1? It's more of what I wouldn't be able to do than what I would do la. I wouldn't have a connection with an opposite pole-qingjia-sister-bestie-sunshine-whatever zillion important roles she is in my life. (:
3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? Uhh I would be happy for them. Haha.
4.Did you ever like 19? No. Hahaha.
5.Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? Umm not really. They're both too mellow. And they're already unavailable. Haha.
6.Describe 3. qian bian=P
7.Do you think 8 is attractive? Yes...hot!
8.Tell me something about 7. She's hilarious in the most original way possible :D
9.Do you know any of 12's family? Yes. Eg, me(:
10.What's 8's favourite? Smiles(:
11.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you? Goosebumps. Haha. Say thank you! =P
12.What language does 15 speak? weird normal language la. Irritating times zillion sms language though.
13.Who is 9 going out with? laoba...or k**x****, whoever he is. Haha.
14.How old is 16 now? Still 15...till end of the year.
15.When was the last time you talked to 13? Yesterday, after dance practice.
16.Who's 2 favourite band/singer? Uh-oh I don't know! She likes random songs, like Bad Day, Wake Me Up When September Ends etc.
17.Would you date 4? Of course. Lalala.
18.Would you date 7? Okay. Haha.
19.Is 15 single? Maybe.
20.What's 10's last name? Ang!
21.Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11? No. Haha.
22.What school does 3 go to? SP.
23.Where does 6 live? Jurong West.
24.Whats your favourite thing about 5? Her sexy legs. Hothothot.
25. Have you seen no.1 naked? No. Haha.


INSTRUCTIONS.
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment at their blogs.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is no need to do this AGAIN.
5. The most impt rule: have fun doing it. Uhh whatever la.

My perfect lover is a guy who:
Is initiative
Looks good even though he may not be good-looking
Is there when needed
Needs his own space as much as I need mine
Makes me laugh
Is qian bian
Can be a soulmate
Is an opposite pole

I'm weird, I know.

Whoever's abnormal and actually still reading this blog, you're tagged. Hahaha.

I haven't blogged in years. Don't think I ever will here anymore. Moved to somewhere more private- permanent change so if anyone's still reading this and wants to know, ask me(:

AC ROCKS <3 Orientation was just an ultimate thumbs up; loved campfire night though it was raining so heavily; mass dance seriously rocked couldn't get tired of it; muddy games with OG actually brought us closer; cheering and singing the school song made me feel like I belong.

This whole thing about stepping out of my comfort zone and trying a new life is exciting though it makes me uncertain about the future. I'm pursuing arts though 2 courses from each stream, signed up for dance auditions just to have a good time since I've got nothing to lose and now kind of officially left track because surprisingly I got through the auditions. It's a pleasant surprise that gives me yet more confidence to look forward and not turn back upon any regret or hesitation.

In 1AH. Shall know the class tomorrow, OG outing tomorrow, dance session tomorrow. So many things to look forward to, so many new friends to make(:

Hello, 2006;
...AC(:

Goodbye, NYGH, NY Track Team, 4/10.




Look for the girl with the broken smile.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUIPING <33333

Favourite person! Love you and your stunningly wide spectrum of colourful and impressive vocabulary. o.O HAHA. Thanks for cracking up the cockles of my heart 24/7, whatever that is. =DDD

Rather action-packed life. Pierced my ears, got dress + shoes for grad night all in one weekend. Goblet of Fire was great. Sometimes I wish people would present critics that do not destroy their personal intelligence. If one is not able to analysis every detail of a movie and evaluate its exact relevance to the plot- then save yourself from comments that are usually overgeneralised and simply shallow. To wise and matured audiences who are able to appreciate a movie from the director and a full theatrical point of view- movie critics are merely meaningless words from strangers. Yep.

Class Chalet is next. Yay.

AHHH. FREEDOM.

This is so unreal.

TIME TO PARTY. YAY(: (: (:

The Grass Will Cease To Sing From Today onwards.
Oh man I miss Mary, Dick, Charlie, Tony, Moses, Mrs Slatter, Sergeant Denham, Samson, etc etc. HAHA. Time for Grass NightTwelve Night on Monday! I LOVE TWELFTH NIGHT. Was being excited before grass=D 7 days left! Yay.

ENDURE.

I love

Vivien Lee
Eleen Khoo
Zhang Tong Tong

<3333333

You three brighten up my life!! (:

I'm the epitome of 'being antisocial'.

End of secondary school life. What to do. I don't know what to feel. Time to move on. Time to study. Again. Hello TYS-es. I can't wait for O's to be over. Why can't we finish it NOW. I want to do all the papers right this moment coz I hate this feeling. 33 days! GRRR.

How do you talk to someone you don't know anymore.

_I...lost.

Dear Karin,
You are a goner.
So what?
You won't show weakness.
You are strong.
You don't need anyone.
You will emerge victorious.
You can conquer any barrier.
Nothing will stand in your way.
You won't think of *
Focus.
You won't give up.
WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER.

I don't know why, but I'm not exactly ecstatic that prelims are over. Call me weird.

I guess...I miss you a lot.

_{I don't want anything else.}

I'm everything I am because you loved me. Or hated. Or hate. Who knows. Nothing that is so, is so.

And I'm laughing because I actually passed my piano exam. HAHA.

kou shi xin fei.

wo hen wo ai ni.

Studying hard.

You are out of reach.

I SCREWED UP MY PIANO EXAM BIG TIME. Hurray. I need a knife to stab myself. There wasn't a single thing I didn't make mistakes in. I fumbled at all my favourite parts in every piece. Nothing can be worse. If I pass I shall...LAUGH.

Anyway thank you huiping swmr loh vivien peixuan zhiting liting yuxing jayce shiting andrea audrey tongtong xinyan tricia youxin yajie diana bekwuay manqing sijie xueling ys beiyu shenghui angel lijie allison amanda shanru joy chaiping 410 and everybody else. <3

I woke up at 10.30pm. Can't believe I'm studying so much these days. It's really tiring. But I guess all Sec 4s should keep in mind that the O's is like a marathon. Slow and steady wins the race; no point breaking down after prelims(:

I like dates with my studying partner. Home is for slacking. Oops.

Keeping the spirits up for the 10th. My inspiration and motivation <3

You came and left. Life is the game you falsely play. Nobody said anything about me and you. Because it's non-existent. It's just me.


And you.


You kill me with the things you never say.

Fading...

I love NY track.

=*)

So many things remind me of you.

When I said go, I never meant away.

It's been awhile. Why is it that when things start to go wrong, they continue going terribly worse. To think there won't even be many trainings left for them to go bad. There are so many intangible things I want desperately right now. Fell in love at the Esplanade <3 Everything felt perfect. I smell nationals. It's at times like this when I really wish I could slow down time, to change a second to an hour, or to change an hour to a day. "Before you know it, it will be over." Cruel truth.

ϸÊý²ÑÀ¢ ÎÒÉËÄ㼸»Ø

The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.

Question: Edit to proper English- "Life sucks."
Answer: Life rocks. (:

Not alone, not alone at all.

I need to be kicked for procrastinating.

°®Ð¦µÄÑÛ¾¦: ÎÒµÄЦËýÎÞ·¨´úÌæ(:

The computer was revived. Yay. Life is training and hanging out with trackers haha. It's a happy life(: I can't do run-ups=( Boo. And today is the first day of June Holidays I'm staying at home. A Maths! Our notebook is the motivation. My 80 for prelims-full of confidence haha.<3s Yu Xing and Li Ting(:

I love GREEN:D Hahahaha. My green balloon died aww.

You want a cold war? You'll get one. Because you always get what you want. Love you, REASONABLE CREATURE.

You know what? I hate guessing games.

We were wrong.

Mid-years
Makes
Me
Mad.

Angry and insane.

Rahhh.

=(

Thank you, Shi Ting and Angel for helping to collect money for the track tee. Was really grateful <3. I'm a failure for a treasurer. Shan Ru did a much better job(:

I'm still not quite used to how things are at home. Mum gets irritated all the time, because of housework etc. So I see Dad ironing all our uniform and felt rather strange. I'm grateful to Dad for trying to make things right; scrubbing the kitchen floor etc. But I feel useless, not only by not helping out much around the house, but even troubling him for having to drive me home from school. I was waiting for him in the drizzle yesterday evening. And around me were Nanyang girls doing the same thing, waiting for their parents. This girl was on the phone with her mum and practically demanding her mum to reach school right away because her friend's mum was arriving soon and she didn't want to wait alone. Tell me if that isn't totally slappable. Why do we always take for granted what our parents do for us. Children will never understand how parents get anxious and frustrated when there are traffic jams during peak hour on the expressway because they don't want their children to be waiting too long for them. And sometimes I don't know why saying a sincere "thank you" to Dad could be such a difficult task.

I'm numb because I've forgotten how it is like to cry. I won't cry because I don't feel for you anymore. I hate you I hate you I hate you so why do I still love you? I will face you with a blank metal heart. I will stop my obsessive madness. I will hold my breath after you stab me a thousand times and leave me here to die. I won't feel anything. I will wait till you walk away and vanish from my sight.

_{I will give up. I will move on.}

How have you been.

The weather is horrible. I feel so lethargic. No motivation to study. Coach Carter was very inspiring, but now it only reminds me of how we can't have everything in life. Oral exam was okay; Reading was super terrible, stumbling every alternate sentence and pausing at the wrong parts etc. Whatever la. Walkathon didn't feel like a walkathon, pretty redundant but I guess it was umm fun? Body combat was interesting. Was also amused by the mascots.

Sometimes I feel more strongly towards people who aren't with me than those who are present around me. It's funny how things that I see make me think of you and it stays on with me for a long time. If this is how missing someone badly feels like, my life is bittersweet because of you.

_{Look for the girl with the broken smile.}

Nothing that is so, is so.

My trademark. Specially for Yu Xing 0:D XIN ren gan da kao yan huh. My han yu pin yin rocks.

It has been an eventful week so far. Umm only Wednesday but ya. Guinness World Record for World's Longest Popiah. YAY. Haha. So happening la, our school. And umm NAPFA today. 5 items were as usual a total yawn. 2.4 was exciting though I trained on Monday and Tuesday and uhh practically felt my body breaking into different parts today. I improved my timing by 1 minute and 10 seconds. Is proud of myself. I have been improving 1 minute per year woohoo. But I have apparently been constantly deproving in the 5 items each year. Whatever la. Dripping sweat the whole day since after 2.4 urgh. Spots everywhere in tennis courts=my doing. I ate too much today. Again. Boo. By the way Mini Cornettos do not satisfy my raving hunger. Rahhh.

Oh simply must mention that umm Zhi Ting rocks. *Tries to make Yu Xing jealous. Heehee. Zhi Ting!! Fellow yogurt fan and bookworm who umm lent me her metal spoon. :D Historical moment haha. Nevermind Yu Xing is uhh a good umm buddy to have yeah(: /end of including Yu Xing in entry. Hurhur.

_{and i fight because you are worth it, and i am foolish.}

I like sunny Saturday and Sunday mornings. The feeling of waking up just when the sun has risen. The day seems much longer when you wake up early doesn't it. Hurhur I have been sleeping early too yay. No more night owl for me.

I feel like I've been speaking too much nonsense and it's time I shut up and speak only when necessary. Like how I used to. Do you know how it is like to be manipulated by nothing? I hate the feeling of losing control of feelings, actions, thoughts.

Revision revision revision. Mid-years. Mid-years. Mid-years. I want to hold back time and produce another 10 hours to each day. And there's not enough time for me to read! What's wrong with reading half a book each day. It keeps me going. Yay I'm a BOOKWORM :D But maybe its wrong to put it as a priority rather than studying. Want vs Need GRRRR. Why can't we have everything in life.

_{I'm prepared to fade away. Anytime.}

_{And I won't forget the way you loved me.}


This is very late, but I still want to mention about all that happened last week. Firstly, love the Rs and !s lots! How 'bout A1s for us all:D We rock la, it was the best presentation I've ever been involved in haha. And this is very slow- big thanks to Kylie for the WOW! powerpoint. We had so much fun singing! Yay(: Mulan! Shang! Khan! Mushu! Crickee! Chien Po! Ling! HAHAHAHA. And on Saturday, went to watch Twelfth Night at DBS Art Centre- haha cabbed down with ShengHui, Yvonne, Eunice in the end when Dad spent about 2 hours instructing me how to get there the previous night. Oops. Eunice went crazy over FESTE! Tsktsk infatuation, but Feste rocks! So funky la. The first guy with ear rings I find funky hurhur. I like the way he acted Feste much better than the guy who acted Feste in the movie. And he has a nice voice and sang very well though from the first row we could see him shaking. Aww. Love Sir Andrew too, acted by a woman; so cute. The Question and Answer session was umm a bit too casual I must say, a lot of redundant questions haha. Moreover most of the audience were students, and basically crap questions were asked=X Enjoyed the play anyhow; it was very cool sitting right in front, could see every facial expression closeup haha. And Feste sprayed saliva at one point-_-"

I have been feeling grateful and counting my blessings lately. Not to forget I am easily satisfied with a Kinder Bueno a day(: Dad bought me a Notebook all of a sudden last week, without my knowing. Haha what a surprise. I have been troubling him with my spike shoes problem as well. But finally settled it just now yay. Sometimes I just don't know how to express my sincere thanks and how to show that I'm not taking things for granted, that I feel for many things. Somehow I think that he knows, and it feels like I won't be left behind with Dad around yay. Childish girl.

_{And on the way down I saw you
And you saved me from myself.}

What do you do when you're so terribly sick of yourself? Control+Alternate+Delete?

It doesn't work for me.

_{kai bu liao kou.}

Umm hello April. -_-" I'm feeling ironic, if there's such a feeling. I'm HAHA-ing all over msn while listening to uhh melancholic songs. O.O Been thinking about death the whole day coz of The Five People You Meet In Heaven. And I thought of Zhiting's freaky and sadistic killing ideas. Hmm the few of us who go to the benches for recess have been touching on...interesting topics these days. I hate this rambling feeling when I can't organise my thoughts or whatever. And this reminds me of how I realise a few days ago that I love my dad alot. He's the only person on earth I feel 100% comfortable rambling to. He takes it all in, and though he does not agree with me sometimes and he really doesn't really approve of my overly opinionated character, at least he doesn't do that ying4 chou2 thing. He actually rambles with me. And we often get into heated debates at home or in the car on the way to school. It keeps me going; I like talking to him because I can ask him about many things. Discussing about tennis and formula one and the education system and even lousy tv adverts haha. And we're both actually really alike. Imagine two stubbon mules debating in the car- we end up in cold wars occasionally, but it just makes me really...proud -or is that the right word- of him. Coz we're alike and I don't feel alienated or ridiculed. I can try talking to my mum and she takes it all in too but umm she doesn't comment, which makes me feel really stupid even sharing my view with her in the first place=X But dad and I wouldn't budge/give in to the other. Which is why I learn a lot from him. Not great philosophical learning, but accepting opinions learning and thinking a lot about social issues, individual nonsense, the past, the present, the future. I learn to express myself without restraints in front of him. And sometimes I don't know how I can hate him so much. Incidents when I lose all respect I have for him; incidents when I refuse to listen to him; incidents when he says that I don't cry because he's the one who cries secretly at night. I regret doing many things, and not doing so many things. I shouldn't have been that act-rebellious teenage wannabe 2-3 years ago-being depressed and going through the cliche "phase" thing. I wish I'd learned to talk to my parents then instead of declaring that hypocritical "you don't understand me" crap and refusing them an entry to my so called "antisocial" world. I think I should feel ashamed but why dwell on the past. I'm actually fairly amused by my pathetic behaviour then. But at least I have responded to this wakeup call somewhere somehow and I guess it's not too late to catch up. And then two seconds later, I'd get pissed at him for assuming everything and making me want to hurl the entire monitor at him. Take this moment, for example, when I'm snapping at him to shut up and please go away coz it's hair-tearing frustrating having someone peek over your shoulder when you are blogging. Tell me about father and daughter's love huh.

I don't get it. I don't get many things. Do I care? YES. I don't even want to try and describe how I feel. I'm just plain unhappy. I wonder why. You tell me. My stomach doesn't feel the same anymore. And I have been eating too much of Sara Lee Chocolate Pound Cake! Addictive. Rahhh. I don't know how I'll survive the HSK thing next saturday. Dying after the 50 listening questions already la. Grrr. I don't think I'll be feeling this tired if I decide to sleep the whole of April away. Now how possible is that. I feel stupid being so random. Why is that Honey song stuck in my head. WHY. *chokes. You make me feel like an idiot. I want to hide myself and disappear into the thick hazy air.

I regret. Can I reset?

I feel stupid all over again.

I'm alive. Feeling better after dying for about fifty times since saturday. Yay. Thought it was dengue fever o.O Must be cautious still. And I don't ever want to swallow anymore pills already la. I've had enough to last me a lifetime. =( The before and after meal thing drove me crazy. It's like you take this batch before your meal and then you have your meal. After your meal, you decide to rest and take a nap before taking the after meal batch. By then, you probably need to take a new round of pills two seconds later coz it's already after 4 hours and it's time for a whole new round of pills. *Bangs head on the wall.

Nevermind. I survived school today. Dozing off during HCL as usual. Argh. Time loves to play with my mind by crawling one mm per decade during her lessons. I want to throw all my undone portfolios out of the window. What's the point of doing it for the sake of doing it you tell me. Oh yes, we'll totally make it last till our university years.

I don't feel any better declaring that. Fine, I shall be obedient and do them diligently(:

Is anyone sick of hearing this yet? 410 rocks! Haha. Oh man, camp was great. From tai yang gong gong all the way to our chopstick-bamboo folk dance, we rocked every single moment. I was still in the "Shava Shava" mood even after we broke camp. I'm having a terrible sorethroat now..probably coz of screaming too much=X And I can't upload the pictures yet..can't find the wire! *Panic*

Four ten~Four ten! Four ten~Four ten! YAY the indoor games rock la. Love ribena pastiles <3 But I shall never play soccer again. Stupid yellow flying balloon thing. Haha. And my reaction was so so slow! Kylie would go: "Karin!" when the ball floated near me. Then 2 seconds later, I'll stretch out my foot and by then, the ball is already out of the court. =( Lousy me. But the volleyball games rock. So exciting! Didn't get to see the Tarzan-Jane-Gorilla game but heard that it was fun and went great. Oh ya before that was makeup session and it was okay. I'm not a draw-eyebrow person. WAN QUAN WAN QUAN.

Gosh the indian dinner was funky. Had some difficulty placing the rice into my mouth oops keep dropping like 50% of the rice held between my fingers. Hurhur. And I realised that 410 are drink fans. We love drinks! We love drinks! Poor waiters haha. Overall I loved the camp food. Yumyum. Also took a very 38 picture of TongTong and Bek in their putus hurhur. And YES THE INDIAN DANCING. Woohoo the atmosphere was so high! Love the D'Marquee but it was really too cold. BRRR. Had lots of fun doing weird stuff and dancing like nobody's business. Shaking and shaking hee can train abs. Our Thousand Arms thingy on stage rocked la. 410 is so spontaneous! EVERYONE SO ON. :D *Shava Shava!* Yay and we did lots of partner dancing and stuff. Tricia was there to hug me at the hugging part! :D Heehee the level spirit was great. And the Mr Kelvin Tan and Ms Tan Siu Lee chasing thing was cute. I danced my putu thing off! Hurhur don't know where it disappeared to. Hey realised we kept on dancing throughout the camp. SO ON. *wan quan wan quan* Oops.

Outdoor games were okay as well. 410 showed lots of class spirit! We rocked la, oh man wanna hug everyone for doing so well. Our maize game was such a success especially. We got all the ribbons! And our first game was the hoops one and Xinling cleared it all. Woohoo. So 410 totally breezed through the thing. YAY. And the tennis ball game, lucky Tong Chong got the tennis ball in! We were jumping around like monkeys wahaha. YAY. Then Xinling fell down. Ahh xin tong. Brave girl. And I had slow reaction again. =( Oh then the last game was the carrying balloon between 2 people and sitting on the balloon to burst it then skipping 5 times game. Paired with PeiXuan. We were rather fast yeah. And I laughed the whole time coz it was so cute seeing people sitting on the balloons! Haha I burst 2 balloons! *grins* So fun la. Deportment thing was okay. Sexy shoes, everyone. Aiya but sometimes little unhappy incidents can't be prevented. Whatever la let's forget about it. I wish I were less sarcastic. I shall die of sarcasm one day. Meanwhile, we kept having short dance practices and everyone worked really hard. We had barely enough time to get ready for the formal dinner but everyone turned out so beautiful I wanted to take a picture with every single person. Pretty people! Ahh Shenghui Peixuan Tricia Jac Eleen Youxin Bek Xinling Zhiting Angie Liting Diana and so many others! The list shall go on forever. Added: YuXing also HAHA. Siewfun and Suet! Kylie! Ahhh faints. I was so overwhelmed with beautiful people I can't remember all. And I went upstage and apparently floated and embarrassed myself. Hehe. Nevermind loved walking in my heels. Addicted to them woohoo. Took lots of pictures, thanks to Bek and YuXing for being very very professional photographers. YuXing is probably only cool when taking pictures HAHA. Had a new obsession of taking pictures of food! YAY. Liting rocked la, she reminded me to take a picture of the dessert before I destroyed it with my fork. Heehee the food looked so appetising. And after that was our class presentation. We curtseyed(: So last minute and everything but it was cute. I didn't know what I was doing hahaha. Xinling and Kylie's sweet holding hands moment was awww. Then it was mass photo taking...everyone went crazy running all over the place taking class pictures, cca pictures, OBS watch pictures and meanwhile people went wild dancing. Some funky people were so high they danced on the tables haha oops. I was dashing around and while taking the track pictures, suddenly saw the entire 410 onstage and I totally froze haha. Sprinting like nobody's business all the way upstage and killing my feet wahaha. So fun. Then we took the 205*03 pics! Oh man it was so great to see everyone. We rock. After that 410-ers got very high and everyone started dancing. Hurhur. Even the teachers were grooving to the music la. We could have had more fun but everyone decided to return to our rooms to have a secret dancing practice. Everyone was being so cooperative it was really touching. Unfortunately few got caught for umm breaking the rules. But the important thing was the class putting in so much effort la. I think we were all pretty desperate to complete the dance. I felt like crying but I didn't. I was trying hard to be happy every single moment of the camp you know. Haha. Just looking at 410 makes me smile(:

Before breaking camp yesterday morning was the long awaited folk dance competition. All the classes did very well. I guess the important thing was that everyone really enjoyed the dances. Our chopsticks and bamboo! Shall remember them forever haha. Big thanks to Jac especially for always being the tall light in the sea, guiding us, reassuring us and leading us. Also, hugs to Tricia for being calm and firm when everyone got pretty desperate during the dance practices. Tricia is such a graceful dancer! And thanks to her we actually managed to calm down and learn our steps in time. A cheesy grin to Bek Wuay for doing so much for the class without Karen. Yay bargirl number one! HAHA. I have no idea where the bargirl titles came about. But it makes me laugh like crazy at the thought of it. Still got 3599 right. And what Lin Lao Ban hahaha. Oh ya I think Lin Lao Ban and Bargirl Number One took a picture that totally resembled a wedding photo right. WAN QUAN. Oh yes thanks to Kylie for being so loud during class cheers. So funky la, great leader! Yeah, and thanks to the dancers and YiNi for choreographing the dance and getting the class together. Cheers to our cutest mascot, Tong Chong too! My heart is like filled with this very full feeling whenever I think of the bond 410 shared throughout this camp. I don't know how to describe it. I love my class. And I missed Ms Chua Vivien Karen and Shu Min a lot.

Last schooling day of Term One. I'm feeling really tired. When friday arrives, I'm usually so relieved coz I seem to collect my exhaustion from the whole week and it all consolidates on fridays. I was supposed to sleep at 8.30pm, hahaha. "Why do you look so sad?" Thanks a lot for reminding me. *Gives you a big fat grin*.

I'm sorry for snapping at everyone today, these days, every day. I probably owe everyone I know an apology for being so downright sucky. I'm feeling so mean and miserable but it's like a vicious cycle? I get pissed at nothing la and that's damn selfish of me. It's so wrong to put on that shitty face and make people around me put up with it. And I realise that everyone around me are angels la, for tolerating this active volcano here. My friends don't owe me anything, neither do my parents, my family, or even random strangers on the bus. I'd rather return to that old old self and act happy, than affect others with my unreasonable ragings. I wish someone told me how unbearable I was, or am. It hurts a lot to keep thinking of yourself as such a mean person, and knowing it's true. I can't control my emotions now; I'm so screwed up. I can be so pathetically useless sometimes.

Someday we'll know
why I wasn't meant for you

I acted depressed when I reached home hurhur. Today further confirmed my horrifying slow reaction. I didn't think it was that bad=( Nevermind. Is it possible to work on it? -_-" Anyway, I am motivated to work really hard this year after today. To think we were all half freaking out when it was only one rather minor subject? Wonder what it will be like this time next year. All the emotions flowing in the hall today made me rather overwhelmed o.O

I remember Mr Tang's famous quote: "Don't hold on to too many things in life." I didn't believe it at first, but now I do. -Feels enlightened. Umm I shall learn to na de qi fang de xia. Sometimes there are simply too many things going on in life at the same time. I don't have the freedom and energy to give equal priority to all. I'm sorry I'm making sacrifices; I'm walking away from you. I just realised that through my overly-stoned attitude, I might have been left out of some things, but I'm learning to see things better. Let's see how this goes.

I broke into a zillion pieces today.

I'm sad. But I didn't mean to be moody. So I'm sorry. For affecting you and you and you. I probably just need about a hundred hours of sleep, that's all. And a kinder bueno to cheer me up. While I rant and rant in my monologue, I realised it did not achieved the effect of making me feel better. I felt worse off than ever. I wonder if the problem lies in me. I hate blaming myself. Why can't I be the person you want me to be and save you the trouble of handling someone so much more metallic in character than yourself? I'm such an exploding bomb, I can't help myself. Save me? I wish.

How could I carry on;
the day you went away.

I have no appetite. Wow that's news. And I am pissed at nothing. Apparently I have "done well" for the 3 tests we got back today- Social Studies, HCL, A Maths. But I have been pms-ing and I really wish my parents would give me some encouragement. I wish I had the energy to encourage myself before encouraging others. Results is a huge thing now, I have learnt to see that. I shall no longer study whatever I like and fail those subjects I hate. I don't want to behave like an ugly, black-faced person all the time. But that's exactly what I'm doing now. Though I've improved in A Math, I don't like the pressure of studying too hard, coz I really haven't been getting enough sleep. I have been having headaches all day since last week and it really sucks man. I have been sacrificing too much of my sleep time during test period to study la. Which is pretty stupid. Now I wonder how I managed to survive the countless 2am nights. You have no idea how much my headaches torment me. So I feel depressed. War poems make me feel even more so. I hope I'm not irritating anyone-in the serious kind of way. Coz I'm totally irritating myself. For the first time ever, I'm declaring that I'm struggling. Like hell. Will the headches just go away. I just want to be headacheless so that I can actually concentrate in class, put in effort to be nice to people and train well. Damn, I'm ranting and I can't hold on anymore.

I have slipper tan lines on my foot -_-" Uhh. I feel like I've been eating too much. Sometimes I just want to roar at everyone la. ROAR. But I act antisocial right. So forget that I exist until I blast in front of your eyes. *GRINS*.

I want to look at the world from outside the window. And I want to know what it's like to be someone else, like you and you and you. So that whenever I feel like saying something hurtful, I'll think twice. I wish you would see a different side of me. How can I make you see when we're not talking. Your silence is currently my only string, and I'm clinging onto nothing.

So here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life.

shuo ai ni ni ke fou ting jian.

I said hi to kristopher! Like who the hell was that la. :D I have no idea till now. We were drenched yesterday but I felt clean and satisfied after training. Hurhur. But I uhh obviously have not been exposed to many jokes and apparently find every stupid one funny. O.O Anyway I slept at 8.30pm yesterday. The sun has risen from the west. I woke up with half a sore throat=( But the day started to rock with my first sms dedication ever. YAY(: Too bad ruiming wasn't DJ-ing. The president of his fan club missed him alot. SAJC funfair wasn't fantastically exciting la. But it was okay. The poor bouncy elephant that was umm killed by us=X And the weather was so hot. It was a fabulous idea to wear black shirts yeah. We saw Sun Yan Zi, who resembled a pole. I have been irritated by PWL the whole day and have eventually come to a conclusion that ruiming rocks a zillion times more. Lalala. OMG ruiming is on air now o.O And Chong Qing rocks my socks. His songs appear every 2 seconds and I can't differentiate them.